bob torres

Needless Quotation Marks

I don’t often come to these pages to rant about the inanities of grammar and punctuation,If there’s one thing I generally dislike about those with whom I share a profession, it is the ability to make a big deal out of nothing. but lately, one thing has been desperately annoying me, so I must share. It irritates me so singularly and perfectly, and yet, it is everywhere. Of what do I speak? What is this dark and ubiquitous monster?

It is, sadly, the needless use of quotation marks.

Examples of this growing and hideous practice abound. On the road to the next town over, a local merchant proudly advertises “”SPA’s”” for sale. Wrapped in a death embrace with the needless apostrophe, when I see this sign — all blue and white and fucking huge — I wonder: are the spas really for sale? To whom do they belong? Is the author of the sign intending to be ironic? Questions abound.

Even at work, it is simple to find examples of this hideous practice. During the beginning of every school year when families unfamiliar with campus are afoot, the University helpfully puts up cute little signs indicating what buildings are what.Like me, you may wonder why they don’t just permanently label every building like every other University on the planet. Beats me. For some reason, the building names end up in quotation marks on these signs. Carnegie Hall becomes its snarkier cousin, “Carnegie Hall.” When I see quotes around the building name like this, I can’t help but imagine Dr. Evil from Austin Powers standing in front of the building, smirking wildly, saying the building name, and doing air-quotes with his fingers.

Yes, I could just learn to live with it. I could get a grip, recognize that there are more important things to be upset about, and go on living my life. Normally, this is my approach. Lately, though, this has been “getting to me” so I thought a “blog entry” might help alleviate my pain.

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